If Only
by Dmarx
Summary: Spoilers for 3x22. As Kate reads Mike Royce's final words and thinks back on her time with Castle, will she finally realize that her partner is worth the risk?


_Summary: As Kate reads Mike Royce's final words and thinks back on her time with Castle, will she finally realize that her partner is worth the risk? Spoilers for 3x22 as well as references to other episodes._

_Author's Note: This is what I wish happened at the ending of last night's episode, after Kate finished reading the letter from Royce._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or anything related to it._

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><p><strong>If Only<strong>

Kate Beckett's eyes floated over the last paragraph of the letter one more time, Mike Royce's final two words imprinting themselves in her brain and setting her mind racing. _If only._

If only Richard Castle had never become part of her life; she knew her job would not be nearly as fun, although she would never admit that to anyone.

If only he had never looked into her mother's case; at the time, Kate had hated him for it, but now that they were so much closer, she was very grateful for what he had found.

If only he had never donated that $100,000 to try to catch Rathborne; she might not have opened herself to the possibility that Richard Castle actually was a good man with a big heart.

If only she had not dated Tom Demming; she knew that it hurt Castle and she wondered if it would have kept him from leaving the city that summer.

If only Gina had not walked up when she did; Kate wondered if she actually would have had the courage to tell him her true feelings.

If only he had not left for the summer; he would not have gotten back with Gina and she would probably never have met Josh. What would their relationship be like now?

If only she had not had to arrest him; would he really have come back to her, or would he have moved on? Shaking her head, Kate realized she knew the answer to that one. He would have come back to her, just like he always does.

If only she had realized earlier that Jerry Tyson was the real Triple Killer; then Castle never would have been held hostage. He would not have to shoulder a burden like the one that she carries.

If only he had not turned down Natalie Rhodes; then she never would have realized how much he has changed since she met him.

If only he had never kissed her; even though it was an undercover thing, that was the moment she realized that she would not be able to fight her feelings much longer.

If only he had not beaten up that sniper; Kate was pretty sure she would have been killed.

If only she had stayed conscious for a few more seconds in that freezer; she had come so close to telling him that she loved him. Would he have said the same to her?

If only he had left with his family instead of staying in the city and facing the bomb with her; she did not even want to think about what would have happened, but she was pretty sure half of Manhattan would be dead.

If only he had not told her that he was still amazed by her strength and heart….and hotness; would she still have the resolve to fight this? It had taken everything she had not to give in right then and there.

If only Royce had never been shot; would he have given her this letter? She had been seriously considering taking the leap with Castle for a while now, but without Royce's words, would she truly be ready to do what she was about to do?

With a sigh, Kate folded the letter and slipped it back into her pocket, never taking her eyes off of the dozing man next to her. As she took in his sleeping form, she realized that none of that mattered anymore. The important thing was that her list of 'if onlys' did not get any longer.

Ever so gently, she leaned over and placed a kiss on Castle's cheek before settling into his side with her head resting on his shoulder. He did not stir, but she figured that was probably for the best so that she would have some time to decide what to say. She knew they would have to talk about this when he woke up, but she also knew that she could handle it. She did not want to fight it any more. She did not want to wonder what could be. For Royce. For Castle. For herself.

Now, if only he would wake up so that she could finally tell him the truth.

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><p><strong>THE END<strong>

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><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


End file.
